#Soulsurgery Having Low Self-esteem When It Comes To My Body And Why I have Considered Getting Butt Implants

I have thought about writing this post for a really long time. But I haven’t had the courage to do it, until now. It’s a really sore spot  for me too write about, for some it might be a small issue. But this has been haunting me for many years. Since I started my blog I have had a really hard time opening up about insecurities and my personal issues. I don’t want to come across as a victim or for that matter, people taking advantage of my insecurities and using it against me. It took me a while, to realize that showing emotions. Doesn’t mean that I’m weak or a victim.

I have been dealing with low self-esteem on everyday bases, I have never been fully confident. From a kid til I was 15 years, I have always been the chubby kid. But I always had skinny legs and arms. So my fat areas was mainly on my back, stomach and face. But when I turned 16, my body started to change and I lost a lot of weight. Which I at that time, was so thankful for. For all of a sudden my wardrobe options was unlimitied and I gained a lot of confidence. But this was just for a short time. I have always till this day, had a hard time gaining weight, no matter how much I eat or train. It’s  just something that seems unrealistic for me to reach my goal weight (Right now, I weigh 74 kg, which is the heaviest I’ve weighed). This has caused me to have a really low self-esteem. It’s something that I’m struggling with everyday and it doesn’t really make it that much easier when people on the streets notices it. Comments on it. And it’s have effected me so much, that I have considered getting surgery to look thicker. So my figure won’t look as skinny as it is. Especially being a influencer on social media, I feel pressured to look good at all times. I have never been a person that has felt pressured to follow trends, but watching people on Instagram, with thick and muscular bodies. Has made a really big impact on how I see myself.

For a really long time I have considered getting cosmetics surgery, butt implants. So my body would appear more thick. It has even gone so far that I have even found a plastic surgeon, that I almost made an appointment.

#Selflove! But I’m starting to learn that I have to appreciate the way that I look and love me, for who I’m. Love myself for the way God created me and remembering that God made every person different for a reason. It has taken me a really long time to realize this and it’s something that I need to constant remind myself. It’s a working progress, but I know that God is watching and it’s something that I will overcome with time.

 Au Revoir, peepz!

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  1. Cristofer
    June 21, 2017 / 2:37 pm

    I’ve been following you for a really long time and I can only agree in your conclusion: Self confidence comes from within. It can never be handed to you by someone else. It is a choice to accept yourself for who you are – not always an easy one though. So keep working on that. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from a coach or a therapist, it’s a darn good investment in you.

    However – you do look great. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You have quite a lot of class and style.

    So, keep your head held high. Keep up all the good work. And be confident. You have much to be proud of.

  2. June 24, 2017 / 8:23 pm


    I can sympathize with you. I just want to say that we all have something we don’t like about ourselves, even the people on social media including myself. Social media is a fantasy, take for example, when I take pictures for my blog, for one outfit, we shoot over 100 pictures and I only end up picking 7 best ones .., maybe 6. I hate shooting with my right side because I have a big forehead and my hairline is farther back. But you never see that side of me on my posts or on my social media.

    In terms of being skinny, I use to b super skinny as well. A shy 5-7 and 115 pounds with my lowes being 100 pounds. I started exercising, drinking proteins shakes, lifting weights, and eating a lot (which I still do) and that worked for me. I have since stopped taking protein shakes because i was stating to look too muscular and now I’ve been a healthy 130 for about 3 years now.

    A word of advice, we all have our struggles and it’s very easy to get caught up with social media perfection craze. Mo one is perfect, even if they portray that they are. Keep your head up high and be the best version of you everyday. Good luck